Tuesday, February 19, 2008

nasty cube mate

****beware, this is well, ummm gross ...

dear nasty cube mate,
why are you so disgusting? why do you print out every email when they can be organized much more efficiently in outlook? why do you think there is this horrid conspiracy to oust you out of a job?

why do you insist on printing out every single thing that comes your way and then leaving it on your desk in lopsided piles? and then top them off in crowning glory with foam cups that drip 2 day old cold black coffee onto all your papers? why do you still have candy canes from christmas and unfinished pieces of pound cake sitting on your desk?

nasty cube mate, why don't you wash your hands after leaving the restroom so i don't have to walk around with a paper towel opening all the doors until i reach my sterile cube? yes, i know i'm slightly anal about my hand washing and keeping my area disinfected, but please don't tell me anymore about how you let your 10lb chiweenie poop all up in your house without the use of doggy pads. all the while in heat nonetheless.

yes co-worker, i know your love of baking knows no bounds. but please don't bring in anymore tomato soup cake from the 1920's that your grandma used to make. the depression is quite over. I and all your other co-workers don't want to eat your cookies that you have frosted and anointed with a couple of dog hairs that were thrown in for good measure.

please please don't come to my desk asking me if i want to eat a kolache that you were unable to finish because you got acidity all of a sudden. as anal as i am about eating from other people's cups, plates, forks you should know by now that i don't want to eat from your dentured saliva.

oh you foul friend, please start taking all your cookies, creamers, chips, cake and candy home with you everyday so i don't have to call pest control again. remember we just caught 3 small mice whose droppings were found in all our drawers?

oh nasty cube dweller, please show mercy on me and the rest of the office by refraining from releasing explosive gases in our vicinity. everyday i leave home with a faint resonance of shit particles floating about. one day my husband will wonder if i'm volunteering for the local SPCA.

dear cube mate, please stay home when you are sick instead of coughing, hacking, sneezing on me. or at the very least provide me with a box of tissues every once in awhile so i can cover my mouth. i don't want to hear anymore stories of regurgitated phlegm or how your crotch itches at age 70.

notes: these pictures are after she had been told to clean her desk after the mice incident. She took home 3 boxes of food from her cubicle! And this is the most hilarious thing - if you look closely next to the foam cup, you will see 2 bottles of hand sanitizer!!!! this is what she should to be giving out to the people who need to come by her desk to drop off papers. oh ya, and check out the q-tip next to the 2 packets of swiss miss hot cocoa in the second picture.
and it doesn't stop there - if i showed you guys what's under her desk, you all would die. she's got a big bulk container of creamer, a huge box of cream crackers, a tin of coffee, a box of plastic forks, 2 cardboard boxes, 2 expandable files, a pillow and a box of manila envelopes. there's also some other unidentified objects down under. i have a lot more pictures but don't want to post them because i love my job.


sra said...

Alpa, are you feeling better now? :)
But seriously, maybe your colleague needs some help. Has anyone tried talking to her - and not just about the mice, I mean.

Alpa said...

yes, thank you. i've offered to help her "organize" her desk so many times, but she refuses, as has our boss. My boss is the sweetest most helpful person ever and she tells her so nicely and diplomatically to keep our area clean, but to no avail. Another co-worker has been to her house and said there's no room to move. she keeps everything - newspapers, magazines. i don't know if she has a condition but she needs to go on that show, "Clean House".

TheCooker said...

This person needs help....do you have an employee assistance program?
And I know that my co-worked who has terrible BO, chews with her mouth open and sluros (loudly) everything she drinks was bad.

Mansi Desai said...

hahahha!! this looks so familiar! everyone passes through such a phase, but I agree, some people are really dirty!

AnuZi said...

Lol hillaious entry Alpa. heres to wishing non gaseous and cleaner day ahead hehe.

DK said...

OMG! And i thought my better half had a lousy cubicle..and I insisted on cleaning his place..But he seems so neat next to this one! Hope you have survived all this ordeal well! :)

Alpa said...

Cooker - Hi! I'm sure we have some sort of mental wellness program, but i'd rather leave that for my boss to handle. she talks with her mouth full of food too, so gross.

Mansi - hey there! ya, i've been working with her for over 2 years so i guess you could say i'm used to her ways.

Anuzi - Hi, thanks! i do borrow her 2 bottles of Febreeze once in awhile :)

DK - Hi, thanks - i've learned to be a little more patient with others as well!

Suma Gandlur said...

Maybe she is trying for the 'Untidiest person of the world' award or something similar to that. :)

Alpa said...

Suma - Hi! you're so much more kinder with your words, i would not call her 'untidy'!

Aparna said...

I'm having difficulty in believing that someone can be this bad.
I think whoever this person is, has a problem with something else and its manifesting this way. This needs medical attention, seriously.

Nags said...

haha.. eowwww.. lol...ughhh.. hehehe.. gross!!

this is how my mind went :D

Alpa said...

Aparna - Hi! unfortunately she is one of many, lol.

Nags - Hi! you crack me up!